Saying Goodbye To Your Twenties: 29th Birthday Reflections
Screenshot courtesy of YouTube.
Turning 29 definitely might as well be turning 30.
With songs like ‘Used To Be Young’ by Miley Cyrus playing everywhere I go, in the eyes of society, my life as I know it is over. No more fun, no more adventures, no more wild weekends. It’s time for me to settle down, get my attitude in check and be a good little citizen, right?
WRONG.
Sure, I can’t drink alcohol like I used to when I was 21. A night out that used to drag into the early morning hours now ends at a [more] humane time, and six packs of beer have turned into *maybe one glass of wine or a tasty cocktail with a home-cooked dinner. My body looks and feels different, and no matter how hard I exercise, there’s stubborn fat in places that won’t go away. My diet and skincare routine have changed. The ads I get shown in my algorithms are getting kinda creepy. I get asked exhausting questions like, “OMG you look amazing for your age, what’s your secret?” and “when do you think you’re gonna have a baby? Time’s running out, you know…” and “do you think you’ll ever get married?” My circle has gotten a lot smaller. Friends I used to see every day, I now see maybe once a month, but when we do, the interactions are a lot more meaningful. My fashion, artistic and musical tastes have gotten weirder and weirder.
Let’s make one thing clear though — this whole idea that you’re “old” once your twenties are over is absolute bullshit. This dogma that once you hit 30, you should be established, calmed down and ready for the white picket fence kind of life is beyond depressing. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends and colleagues that are living that right now, and good for them. But most of us simply cannot afford the lifestyle that’s been hyped up to us from previous generations. Many of us still don’t own a house, and can barely afford groceries, much less a pet or a child. The last thing that most Millennials and Gen Z-ers are thinking about is the American Dream that’s been pushed on us by Boomers and media since before we were even born. And don’t even get me started on the pressures we receive from social media. Life is definitely not what the influencers and celebrities and photographers and models make it out to be in their [sponsored] posts. Nevertheless, there’s this unspoken rule that once you reach 30, the libations should be over and it’s time to start looking like one of those moms that have a “Live, Laugh, Love” plaque in their living room — because you already had enough fun in your twenties, right?
Truth is, my twenties were a rollercoaster. From being consistently broke to toxic job environments, abusive boyfriends to car crashes, fad diets and weight fluctuations, to bouts of addictions and mental breakdowns, horrible DIY haircuts and round after round of style changes, the COVID-19 pandemic, and losing practically all my friendships out of quarantine… I’m breathing a sigh of relief that this chapter is coming to a close. Everyone has told me for so long that this was going to be the best time of my life, but it was honestly the worst.
I’m ready to be 30 flirty and thriving, but one of the promises I made to myself back in February when I first wrote this blog was to make this last year of my twenties rowdy, reckless and lively. I thought I was going to travel more, I thought I was going to get my tattoos covered up, I thought I was going to make tons of new friends. But in typical fashion of how the rest of my twenties were: it kinda sucked, and I’m kinda glad it’s almost over. But never fear: there are some positive lessons I’ve gained through this. Just sit tight.
Here’s five things I learned in my twenties, things I wish I had done differently, and the things I still want to do, in case you were curious:
Friendships are temporary.
If it’s one thing I’ve learned in my twenties, it’s that humans are chaotic, dynamic and definitely not constant. People you never would have believed would stab you in the back or betray you — will. And people you never thought would rise to the occasion to be there for you — will. If your friends wanted to, they would. People make time for the people they care about, but don’t ever take it personally either if they don’t. Life changes so fast, and the reasons for why people act the way they do, almost never has anything to do with you, and is entirely a projection of what’s going on with them on the inside. Just as I’ve changed so many, many times over these past ten years, I have to remember other people are evolving too. Sometimes bad things happen and people aren’t… there anymore. The friends you had in high school won’t necessarily stick by you through college, and the college friends will dissipate after graduation once they start families and careers and whatnot. Especially with roommates: you’re probably going to have great ones and horrible ones over the years. There will be some that still reach out to you, and some that never talk to you again, whatever their reasons are. None of us are perfect. Don’t get too attached, but appreciate what you have while it’s front of you. We’re all busy adults, after all.
Romantic relationships are mostly a waste of time. Focus on yourself.
I can’t tell you how many horrible relationships I had to tolerate before I got to the wonderful “One,” — but in order to find the One, that’s what it takes. The reason why so many of those idiots didn’t work out before, was because the One was waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. Some of my biggest mistakes of my life have been wasting years of my youth with the wrong people, when I could have been spending my days much more vicariously while the One was taking his sorry time getting over here. When you’re in your twenties, the last thing you should be worried about is a partner. You got the rest of your life to be anchored down to somebody. I know you’ve probably heard it before, but it’s just the truth. Quit chasing after an ideal that doesn’t exist, and just explore yourself first. Experiment, find out what you like, what you don’t like, what your preferences are. Being alone really isn’t all that bad, and it’s much better than dealing with people who aren’t meant for you anyways. The One (if that’s what you desire) will come find you, in their divine timing. And even then, I’ll say this until I’m blue in the face — the One isn’t going to be perfect! They're going to be just like you: human and flawed. Any relationship worth having is going to be hard sometimes, and it’s going to take a lot of work, so save that energy for as long as possible. Slow down, be patient, and for Christ’s sake: just go out and have some fun while you can! And don’t let anyone judge you for it, either. Your twenties are the appropriate time for frivolity — embrace it.
Travel while you can.
That being said, you should travel. As much as you possibly can, while you’re young and in your twenties. Of course be safe, but if I hadn’t limited myself so much and heeded too much advice about not traveling alone, not going out alone, not camping alone, it’s too expensive, yadda yadda yadda, I would probably have visited some new countries by now — or at the very least, some new states within the U.S. One of the most amazing experiences of my youth was traveling abroad, and there are so many programs available to you while you’re in college especially, that you should 100 percent take advantage of while you’re in that phase of your life. Go see new places, get exposed to different cultures and languages and religions. Eat new foods, meet new people. There’s a giant big world out there and there’s so much more to life than the confines of your hometown. Also: get the Hell out of your hometown. Just do it, you’ll thank me later.
Your parents’ opinions literally don’t matter — at all.
This is probably going to get me into some trouble, but seriously. Quit worrying about what your parents think. Their job was to raise you, but it wasn’t their job to make you into a carbon copy of them (as much as they would like you to be). You’re supposed to develop into your own person. You’re supposed to question them at some point. In fact, it’s kinda weird if you don’t. It is not, in any way shape or form, a disrespectful thing to disagree with your folks. There’s going to be things you run into as you get older that your parents will probably not approve of. You’re going to be into things that they will have absolutely no interest in. Your parents are always going to give their unsolicited two cents. It’s hard when you feel like you’re disappointing the people who brought you into the world and persistently urged you to make them proud, but really, as long as you’re happy and healthy, the opinions of your parents don't have any more value than what you place upon it. Your parents’ approval matters less and less the more you become independent, and if they’re good parents, they will still love you unconditionally no matter if you’re at odds philosophically, politically or otherwise. And if they don’t – you have every right to limit contact and love them from a distance. We can’t change who our parents are, but we can still have proper boundaries.
Don’t be afraid of mistakes.
Piggy backing off the parent point, it’s inevitable that at some point in your life, you’re gonna fuck up. You’re going to make mistakes, within your family, friendships and roommates, within your romantic relationships and professionally at work. There’s going to be embarrassing moments that you’ll wish you could erase from your memory. But don’t. Mistakes are there as a lesson, not a punishment. While it sucks in the moment, the best thing you can do when you screw up is to own it, learn from it and apply the knowledge you gained. That’s how you grow, isn’t it? We put so much strain on people to be perfect, but perfection is literally unachievable, and doesn’t exist. Give yourself a pat on the back for the mistakes you’ve made: it means you’ve lived a little, and you’ve learned. That’s a very positive thing! And, you may find that the “ideal” grows and changes with you as you do. Life takes many different routes throughout the years, and there’s no way of telling where you’ll end up if you don’t try.
And here’s the thing: my life is still only getting started at *almost 30. There’s so much I still want to do, so many things I still want to see. It’s really hard for me not to feel like this past decade was a whirlwind of a goose chase, a lost cause, but the truth is I have so much more to look forward to. Life doesn’t end once you hit 30 — it’s just beginning.
Cheers to the last year of my 20s: it’s been a hell of a ride. But I’m sure that all this energy I’ve spent in my younger years blundering about, learning and constantly rebranding myself over and over and over has got to count for something, right? I’m looking forward to my thirties, because I’m that much closer to understanding the endless mysteries of myself, and the wonders of the world around me too.
There ain’t no way I’m slowing down now. Not even if the tabloids tell me too.
Oh, and to Miley Cyrus: quit letting society convince you you’re old. You still got it, honey.
