The Rock Was Rolled: An Homage To Christian Music, By An Ex-Christian
Photo by James Coleman on Unsplash.
Over the past decade or so, I've become increasingly open about my Christian upbringing. Especially around this time of year as Easter approaches, I usually have religious things sent to me from family members that are still involved in the faith, reminders of a past life to which I no longer belong. Raised in an environment that emphasized being in the world but not of it, and viewing oneself as a temporary vessel created solely to serve an unseen entity, I've reflected on the tangible impacts of such an isolating experience. While I could delve into the complexities of this train of thought, especially in relation to essential life knowledge, the arts, media consumption, and self-expression, it's no secret that I was raised in a bit of a restrictive manner. The confusing messaging from this indoctrination has had a lasting effect on my development into adulthood, something I’ve been encouraged to talk about for many years by my friends and supporters. So I’ve finally decided to do so, in the most positive way I can muster.
The Case Against Christ: Escaping The Cult
I want to emphasize that I recognize the good aspects that Christianity can offer to those facing challenging situations. For people in extreme circumstances, the belief in a paternal savior can provide hope and a redemption story. Some find strength to change their lives, guided by the faith in an unconditionally loving deity. The community aspect of religious involvement, with support through prayer, study groups, potlucks, and a listening ear, can be meaningful for many. The opportunities a church provides, such as overseas travel on mission trips, outreach programs like city cleanups and homeless feeds, leadership roles within the congregation and theatrical or musical engagement like choirs, plays and worship teams is nothing to scoff at. I also want to assert that the core teachings of Christianity are indeed pure: to love one another no matter their differences, to turn the other cheek to someone who’s wronged you, to love everyone, regardless of their story, and that the love of Jesus is available to all. Everyone is capable of being forgiven, and saved — that much I think is quite groundbreaking, and the sheer amount of collective guidance and connection from regular association with a church, is something I miss very much. For people with rough backgrounds or people who are stuck between a rock and a hard place, a church can be exactly what they need.
Regrettably, my personal experiences with Christianity led me to leave the religion around 2013-2014. I came to realize that for some individuals, including myself, religious trauma is a genuine concern, with encounters ranging from discriminatory practices to harmful ideologies and worse. Witnessing instances of misogyny, racism, and other forms of abuse within certain religious circles was more than enough for me to renounce the faith, on top of testimony from some of my peers. The complex dynamics within modern Christianity, particularly those resembling cult-like behavior, have unfortunately contributed to a lot of societal injustices and strained familial relationships not only in the community on a smaller scale but across our nation. Among followers, there can be a tendency towards closed-mindedness, hypocrisy and resistance to rational discourse, sometimes at the expense of scientific or logical understanding. Unfortunately from my own delving into the Bible and independent research, Christianity has historically been used as an excuse for unbridled prejudice and unchecked problematic behaviors, including justifying abhorrent acts like genocide and the like. Ultimately, grappling with Biblical interpretations shaped by centuries of translation and political influence made it difficult to align with an authentic practice of the religion — it was simply unachievable and objectionable.
“…Christianity has historically been used as an excuse for unbridled prejudice and unchecked problematic behaviors.”
Photo by James Kovin on Unsplash.
The catalyst for my departure? Surprisingly, a simple haircut. The petty harassment I faced from elders in response to a change in appearance was too big for me to ignore, on top of everything else I saw and experienced.
There's much more I could share about exiting the religious community, but that's the abbreviated, censored version. If there’s one thing that the Christians did right in my opinion though, it was the music.
Christian Music Songs: Meaning & Structure
Christians believe that music’s primary function and purpose is to glorify God, and for the most part, they believe music shouldn’t be entertained unless it is so. If it ain’t about Jesus, it’s demonic or of the devil (i.e. “worldly,” “secular” or “mainstream”). Even the structure and tempo of worship music is fairly strict in some sects. You can have lively, more upbeat melodies but if it takes your attention off of the Lord and onto the skill of the musician, it’s bringing man praise instead of God, and therefore is sinful. Members of the audience are encouraged to sing along, lift their hands and go into meditative-like trances, a communion with the Holy Spirit if you will, even better if you get emotionally moved. If you don’t sing, it’s guaranteed people around you will assume you’re a non-believer. Personal collections of music at home are usually encouraged to be all, 100 percent Christ-centered, otherwise you might be distracted from the ever-lasting journey to seek God in everything you do, including personal hobbies.
Worship in its design, is meant to shake your spirit, get you in the mood for the message and invoke a feeling of kinship with your fellow followers. While I have my qualms with the nuances, there’s something about worship that just clicks for people. It’s the one fun part of a service and I’ve heard some members tell me it’s the only reason they attend. Worship music, as cheesy and cringe-y as it can be sometimes, has gifted me some of the most beautiful memories of concerts that I have. If you’ve ever been in a stadium packed with thousands of people, all singing the same lyrics in unison, you’ll understand what I mean. I’ve never thought about what Heaven might be like, until I went to shows and made that correlation. There’s a reason why mega churches spend millions of dollars building their auditoriums, and Christian schools will pay to send teenagers to multiple-day conferences that mimic festivals. Music, I would argue, is the best way to manipulate young people into control (and as the Christians claim, Lucifer was the Angel of Music).
But does all Christian worship music have to sound like a Boomer’s repressed angst? Is there such a thing as modern worship? Dare I say it, “normal” sounding religious music?
Christian Music Artists: Religious Bands I Still Love
In my time as a recovered, formerly homeschooled / Christian-schooled church kid, I’ve had a lot of experience searching for “good” religious musicians. I would spend hours sifting through His Word CD racks, listening to samples in the endless quest for music that I would be allowed to buy, but wasn’t embarrassingly dated. The journey to discover groups that sounded cool and hip for the times, but were rated PG to pacify a parent, molded a lot of my curiosity for music today. Critical listening is a pastime many take for granted, the ability to dissect sections of tracks for their originality, structure and lyric content. This was something I had to learn in order to survive the narrow world of a Christian childhood, one that I’m actually pretty thankful for. Even though I may still walk through grocery stores, recognizing secular songs but unable to name the artists or put two-and-two together after the fact, the hundreds of nights I spent memorizing CDs back-to-back during bedtime has shaped my passion for music, as it stands now.
My understanding of music growing up, was that it was the profound act of glorifying God. After renouncing the religion, conceptually, music for me now isn’t the worship of Jesus – it’s the worship of life. Music is the most raw manifestation of the human experience I could possibly imagine, and it’s a strange phenomenon that combines all conditions of our universe as we know it. Song is poetry, but it’s also mathematical and scientific, you can measure it in waves or time it in meter. It’s art, it’s expressive, it can lead social movements or mean nothing at all. It’s both order and chaos, mind and heart, physical yet immaterial, temporary yet everlasting.
“…Music isn’t the worship of Jesus, it’s the worship of of life.”
Photo by City Church CA on Unsplash.
Below are some Christian bands that I still have a fondness for after all these years, despite belonging to a philosophy I believe to be grossly misled. They were my little taste of normalcy amid conflicting moral systems, taught to cherish life yet be detached from it, to participate yet be set apart. I’ve thought about writing this blog for a long time, and through my vulnerability and sharing, I help myself to release a lot of repulsions that came with it, and hold space for the favorable memories. I’m allowing myself to see some of the “good” in my religious upbringing, and maybe to introduce you to bands you might not have even known were Christian.
Switchfoot
Arguably one of the best incognito Christian rock bands of the Millennial generation. Emulating a sound akin to Nirvana, their uplifting lyrics and nostalgic guitar riffs still makes me smile to this day. I often find myself reaching for their ‘The Best Yet,’ album, which includes killer tracks like ‘Awakening’ and ‘Lonely Nation,’ although I am sad they didn’t put ‘Ammunition’ from 2003 on there. If you want to feel like you’re back at the skateboard park minus the underage drinking and partying, this is the band for you.
Flyleaf
Another obvious addition to the list of great religious rock bands. Under constant scrutiny from Christian parents, Lacey Sturm was the metal goddess of my sheltered world. One of the few female vocalists in the community that dared to tackle screamo, many of us looked up to this band with mad respect. Packed with emotional lyrics and angst perfect for again, teenagers, if you want rock comparable to male-dominated groups like Disciple and early-Kutless, you’ll enjoy this. They were one of the standout Christian bands that actively embraced darker subject matter, right in front of your face so you were forced to recognize it, and it was badass.
Thousand Foot Krutch
I included this band because I saw them live once and they were just as good as on a recorded album. It’s one thing to be impeccable online, it’s another to put on a wild show. They were a part of my very first concert at an Acquire The Fire event in 2008 or 2009. While the Christian mosh pits are much… nicer than authentic ones, it was a show I’ll never forget and one of my friends got to shake the lead singer’s hand afterward. One of the best all-around Christian bands with great talent, and a great memory.
Family Force 5
Oh boy, how do I even describe the hot mess that was this band, and I mean hot mess in the most loving fashion. The only relevant crunkcore, pop-punk band of the Christian community, these guys whipped out iconic tracks like ‘Love Addict’ and ‘Supersonic’ that were played at every private school dance for years afterward. Although they faced some weird drama with their label and criticism from religious groups for sounding “too worldly,” this band was pure, unadulterated fun — and that’s something we Christian kids desperately craved. If you can get a hold of it, their albums ‘Diamond Edition EP’ and ‘Dance or Die’ are stellar from first track to last.
The Seeking
Now here’s one you might not know and that’s because they only released one album in 2012: ‘Yours Forever,’ — every song on it was a banger. Mixing soaring, pop-punk vocals and melodies with heavy metal riffs and screamo growls, I believe this band perfectly mirrors how the two-thousand-teens felt. They have a wistful, pensive air about them, albeit with a touch of romance. ‘Take It From Me’ and ‘Narrow Lines’ are some of the most unique mixes of genres I’ve ever heard, at least within this particular scene (they are described as “melodic hardcore” on Spotify). These guys are probably my favorite all-time Christian musicians on this list.
Superchic[k]
These guys are listed as alternative, but really they were more along the experimental vibe. Mixing elements of rock, rap, pop, punk and even R&B, at the height of their popularity, this was the group to be into in the Christian scene of the early 2000s. Constantly played on the radio (KLOVE for all you locals), their albums ‘Beauty From Pain 1.1,’ and ‘Rock What You Got,’ received critical acclaim, and they were even nominated for a Grammy for the latter. Often covering dark themes with a hopeful message, (like recovering from break ups, eating disorders and depression), it’s clear their target audience were mostly teenagers navigating the difficult years that high school tends to be, and it landed in an authentic, relatable, hip way that lots of Christian bands tried to accomplish, but failed miserably.
ZOEgirl
These gals were the soundtrack of my childhood. Their ‘Remix of Life’ album was the first CD one of my parents ever purchased for me when I was in elementary school. They were the girl group substitute to artists like the Spice Girls or The Pussycat Dolls, and while some of their songs were more praise-y than others, most of their sound was well-produced, catchy pop that seamlessly reflected the mood of the time period. If you’re craving some early 2000’s girl-power bops minus the sexual innuendos and top-notch vocal ability, I highly recommend their ‘Life’ album from 2001 and ‘Different Kind Of Free,’ which actually hit the mainstream not long after it was released in 2003. (Don’t believe me? Listen to ‘Feel Alright’).
JJ Heller
Calming the vibes a little bit with a folk artist here. If you’re looking for a wholesome, coffee shop singer who can lull you into daydreaming about rainy windowsills and reading nooks, this is the gal for you. She can get away with sneaking in a Jesus reference here and there, because her songs are exquisitely crafted to fit the aesthetic of 2010’s hipster/indie sound and are ambiguous enough for background noise. Complete with heartwarming odes to her kids and husband, her album ‘Deeper’ actually made me look forward to being a mother someday, in an underground, Hallmark movie kind of way.
Mike Mains & The Branches
Indie Christian rock? Is that even possible? Yes, and these guys killed it. Their album ‘Home’ from 2012 is by far my favorite and with poetic, cathartic pieces like ‘Lady Love’ and ‘Beneath Water,’ it’s easy to see how they could blend in with the hipster scene of the time. Bursting with creativity, their track ‘Drifter’ is one I revisit often despite its slightly worship-y undertones. Regardless of how you feel about Christianity, it’s undeniable this band is talented and worth listening to if you’re in a reflective mood.
Gungor
Without a doubt the most progressive and controversial band on this list, this was a duo comprised of husband and wife, Michael and Lisa Gungor. With a long history of philosophical shifts that angered a lot of Christian traditionalists and fundamentalists, they are also a Grammy nominated runner up in this curation, for their 2010 album ‘Beautiful Things.’ Songs from this album were overplayed on the radio and in church services, but I still reach for them every now and then. My favorite tracks were ‘Dry Bones,’ and ‘You Have Me.’ While the duo project is pretty much done and the couple have strayed away from religious labels, the best way to describe these guys is the closest to “I’m not religious but spiritual,” that the Christian music industry has ever gotten, in the most graceful way.
The O.C. Supertones
Who let the Christians get a hold of ska? Easily one of the most adaptable bands in this list, not only can you hear the talent in every song, but they’re just… pleasant. Their earlier work is more my alternative speed, especially ‘Brand New Thing,’ from their ‘Hi-Fi Revival’ album released in 2002. They’ve gradually become less rock-inclined and more traditional ska-leaning, but if you can handle the occasional Jesus reference, these guys feel like a cheerful bonfire kickback during the summer — especially their album ‘For The Glory,’ from 2012.
Honorable mentions:
The Benjamin Gate’s song, ‘Lift Me Up,’ released in 2002 and Sanctus Real’s album ‘Say It Loud,’ also from 2002. While the rest of their work were so-so, the song ‘Audience Of One,’ and the whole album captured the alternative rock sound of the early 2000’s as if they reached out into the air and bottled it. It’s a mood, to say the least.
Oh, and if you’re wondering about Skillet? Yeah, we don’t really talk about them anymore.
Healing From Religious Trauma: Music Is Universal
Photo by Mike Giles on Unsplash.
I’ve gone back and forth about whether or not to publish this blog for quite some time. There is a side of my family that is still very much engaged with the Christian religion and while I hold the utmost respect for their dedication to their creed, I’m releasing this, knowing I may receive some backlash privately. Some of my family members have had me blocked on social media for years due to my outspoken nature, and with others I’ve kept silent as not to rock their boats. But with everything going on across the globe, and as I turn a new chapter with turning 30 this year, I really want to spend more of my energy being more true to myself, and consequently, to speak my truth. I’ve felt this conviction weighing heavy on my heart for a hot minute now, and finally feel comfortable enough in my own, autonomous, independent identity to share my experience with others who may have gone through the same. Regardless, whether you’re Christian yourself or not, or a reformed church kid like me, I hope what resonates the most is that we are all human in the end, and music is one of the uniting elements on Earth — something we all can agree is an awe-inspiring, unique gift we get to share with one another in this short existence, this brief speck of time in the great expanse of our Universe.
That’s something I think Jesus would be proud of.
